When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

My hotmail inbox are filled with unread forwarded messages and out of this hot afternoon boredom I opened the email "Story from husband" forwarded from Suny:

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Good guys??

'She' was telling me on the sweet, romantic stuffs 'he' did and... Chris snapped in, " romantic guys are not good guys. Don't believe in them"

We looked at him.

"It is true," he replied enthusiastically.

"Are there any good guys?" I asked.

He paused for a while and he thoughtfully answered, "Well, erm..yeah...quite true.."

"There is no good guys rite?"

He nodded in agreement and continued scribbling in his notebook.


He isn't the first who came to agree with this and I bet there is more that share the same thought; even they themself (the males) would acknowledge it. Guys, a lot of them are jerks. What jerks? All kind of jerks. I found quite a well descriptive piece of writting on this in Lai Imm's blog. Click here to read "Ode to Jerks". Enjoy! And yeah I know not all guys are the same so people, don't get offended ;)

Journey detour

I hopped into the commuter in the fresh Monday morning. My 'son' has agreed to pick me up from the BTS station later. To keep my travelling time productive, I held the Reader's Digest with my free hand, made myself comfortable and started reading.

"KL Sentral...KL Sentral...babble babble mumble mumble.."Door opened, door closed. Train moved.

I looked out the window, and thought the route was kinda different today. I don't usually see so many greens and..hmm, anyway.. I continued reading.

"Angkasapuri...Angkasapuri.." Door opened, door closed. Train continued moving.

Angkasapuri? hmm.. ok... scratch head. I looked back on the page I was reading.

"Pantai Dalam...Pantai Dalam..."

Ok, this is far too weird. Something is very wrong. I looked at the map of the rail route and... I knew it! I knew something wasn't really right. I am in the Pelabuhan Klang train. Oh my goodness, how did that happened. It is not supposed to happen. (Wahhh~!!!) Better get off the train as soon as possible.

Door opened, I walked out, door closed, train went off.

I carried my luggage and walked across the bridge to the platform opposite to get the Sentul train back KL Sentral.

This time, I wasn't reading anymore nor am I able to read. The Sentul train is so packed. It is pretty scary to join the 'human-sardine-party' and its an especially horrifying trip when you don't even have the space to put down the bag on the floor. Though it was 2 stations away before reaching the central station, the commuter just have to go momentarily dead halfway, prolonging the sardine party. urgh, yeay~... My right arm feels as if it is going to be detached any moment soon and my poor little fingers are turning purplish. It is no fun at all standing carrying a sling bag and a luggage bag (its heavy!!) , sardined as close as possible to each other with people sticking to you, touching your butt, in that oxygen depleted train.

"Kl sentral...KL sentral..." Door opened, I poured out together with the crowds, door closed.

It is not very much of a relief yet actually. I gathered all the strength carrying my bags up the stairs and down the stairs, to the platform opposite to catch the Seremban train, which I am supposed to have boarded from Kepong. I made sure it was the correct platform, placed my luggage bag down, leaned against the wall, panting, catching my breath, and waited for the train to arrive.

Well, all the carrying and climbing explains the body ache I am having now, after going through the hand re-attachment surgery. I am not built to sustain or endure these kind of weight bearing activities. However, no angels came falling to the rescue. So, now all I am praying for is a masseur, prefferably a cute, handsome and free one of course. But yeah, I knew there wouldn't be any. That is why body ache is all that I have now =(


You see...

This is how it is supposed to work. The commuter that passes Kepong is the Rawang-Seremban's and by right it will bring me straight to Bandar Tasik Selatan (BTS). That is shown in the dark blue route. But, somehow I ended up on the red track instead, which brought me to Pantai Dalam.

This is what took place instead; the detours:

Oh my...this is just simply so energy consuming and I shall discontinue my elaboration here.

Lessons from today journey:

1. Listen attentively to all the babbling and mumbling.

2. The norm is not always the norm. And it is usually so when you least expected it.

3. Assumptions can be wrong, pretty surprisingly wrong.

Back to school -summary-

It is great to be back to school again, with all the friends. Though they are a bunch of crappy, big bully, flirtatious, silly group of people, there are those who are such a sweet heart and dear to you.

Classes are mostly in the afternoon now, making way for our beloved juniors who are coming in this July. I can now make it to most of the classes without being late. hehe. PBLs, FLMs, QnAs and formative assessments are coming haunting once again.

Our schedule on friday especially ... "urgh!"... Since we have hospital attachments in the morning, formative assessments will end late in the evening. sigh. Anyhow I guess its time to get the engine kicking again. yawn.

All were quite excited about the revelation of the new arrangement for PBL grouping, mentor list and the hospital attachment groups. Some will be thanking God but some others will be banging head and be made a laughter among others. Whatever it is, all the best to all of us, people! haha.

pre back-to-school emo

It seems just yesterday that we started our unimaginably long holiday but it is now rather unimaginable that our holiday has come to an end. BlInK!*bLiNk!*

I flipped through the new timetable. oH my gOodness! Generally my lectures are all in the afternoon now, which means its after lunch, at 1.30pm. Thats not a good choice. And frankly, I'm not liking it yet coz:

1. It creates 'half hanging' kind of feel.
2. It demotivates me.
3. It gives me excuse to laze and wake up late (if i ever wake up).
4. My brain is least active at that hour.
5. Extra sleepy factor. (you see, sometimes Subject + Lecture + Lecture's Volume is already lullaby enough... N now, Time + Post Lunch Factor + Cool n Comfy Aircond vs. hot afternoon increases the sleeping factor from the power of 3 to the power of 6 or 7.)
6. That also indirectly increases the probability of failing doing less well in the subjects.
7. It means no afternoon nap (on bed).
8. I like morning classes better.
9. I dislike afternoon classes.
10. You can't really use the excuse: "Sir, sorry I woke up late this morning.." when you are late for class.
11. That means my day ends later. urgh.
12. Like that means no more after class lepaking.

Sigh. This is an entry just to babble, rant and whine. Meaningless post but I need to let it out. So skip this if you wish to coz i am gonna continue babbling...

I miss my roomate ;(

I miss the lovely home Chris, Sherri n Hui Ying is staying ;(

I miss room 414 =(

I sure will miss home ;(

I miss morning classes =(

I miss finishing early =(

I miss holiday =(

I miss lots of things... sigh... oh well, it's the new sem. Time to move on and say "Welcome to Year 2"....geez, I am so unprepared. But its coming.. just like when one is playing hide-and-seek. Ready or not here I come!

Alrite then, take a deep deep breath, fake a sweet sweet smile n say "Hello n Welcome to the new sem, to the brand new Year 2!!!" =)

Well, despite all that... one of the thing (hopefully not the only thing) that I most look forward to is the attachment at Hospital Rumah Orang Asli.

Now, I'm just gonna sit back, close my eyes and await for the new sem to reveal the treasure beneath...

the CUP of list

They call it the Cup of life... Man! Whatever it is, these earthlings are sure coming up with all sort of funny, crappy tips, must have or must do kind off thingy...bla bla...

Sharing with you today are sample based tutorial on how to prepare:

1. the Cup of wishlist
2. the Cup of checklist


First, for the wishlist...

I came across this good sample by Simon @ simontalks.com and this is what he wrote:

• Please don’t get Shebby Singh to be the guest pundit. Get Paul Masefield or Jamie Reeves. Heck, get Hasbullah Awang, I don’t care. I can’t stand that Shebby Singh.

• Stop spamming us throughout the whole World Cup month with all those advertisements of SMS goal alerts, 3G live matches, SMS chats, man-of-the-match contests… Look I know some of these companies sponsor the telecasts, but there is something as overdose or overexposure until the viewers are sick of it.

• I just hope there won’t be any domestic disaster like washing machine breaking down, toilet being stuck, car tyre needs changing, radioactive toxic waste leaking from nuclear plant next door, etc, that require my attention when I need to concentrate on the matches.

• My office closes down a month for termite fumigation / accounting irregularity investigation / acute office paper shortage and declare the whole month as a holiday.

• Don’t snip off the pre-match shows or opening ceremony where they have celebrities performing.
  

• Ban all cars with the registration plate beginning with ‘W’ or ‘B’ from entering the city during the day, so that I can come home in 10 minutes and sleep it off. Obviously, I don’t drive a local car…
  

• Somebody give me a free coffee maker. While I’m at it, get me a good one. Like the one they feature on ‘Living Coffee’.
  

• No boring, boring nil-nil draws. I know this is football, not basketball, but you don’t go to the World Cup and play ultra defensively for draws and hope to win on penalties. You may be able to win the Euro with that…

• I want to see Sven Goran-Eriksson lose his cool at any point during the World Cup. His reaction during that match versus Portugal in Euro was a classic…

• Not related to this list, but if you didn’t have cable TV, you’d probably have to put up with this on local channels: “Ya! Kami sudah terima isyarat dari Germany! Sekarang kita terus Zainal Abidin di Stuttgart… Apa khabar, Zainal…? Zainal…? Nampaknya belum ada ‘audio’…”

lolz* ... got it now? Ok, great! Now we shall move on to the 'checklist'.

Wait! Before that, maybe we should learn how to get rich during this coming football season. It's NOT 'U-rated' and click here to follow the lesson =)

After reading the guides, we can now proceed to the checklist. Yippee!

Here is the Check List for FIFA World Cup Hibernation Party:-

1. 10packs x 30 sachets x 50gm Big Nescafe 3 in 1 Rich? - √ Checked!
2. FIFA Ahbeng Song? - √ Checked!
3. FIFA German Song? - √ Checked!
4. FIFA Yingrish Song? - √ Checked!
5. Bookies Telephone numbers - √ Checked!
6. AhLong Telephone numbers - √ Checked
7. Ambulance Telephone numbers (just in case of heart attack) - √ Checked!
8. New 50" Samsung Plasma TV - √ Checked!
9. Wife safely locked inside the room - √ Checked!
10. Kids all safely locked too? - √ Checked!
11. Fake MCs with random serial numbers all Scanned and Printed? - √ Checked!
12. ADIDAS Football ready? - √ Checked!
13. Favourite Jersey Washed ledi? - √ Checked!
14. Maggi Cup Noodle masuk stock ledi? - √ Checked!
15. Friends Invited ledi? - √ Checked!
16. Bought Enuff Snacks and Coke? - √ Checked!

It is another copy n paste thingy from rojaks.blogspot.com... to add on, remember to check if you've paid your electricity bill and your tv signal reception tOo!!!

What are you waiting for now? Go-lar and brew your own Cup of wishlist, checklist, kaki-list, ball list or bolalist and whatsoeva list, it doesn't hv to make sense. Just list something down. Its world Cup we are talking about. Quick! Oni 11 more days to go!

Thats for today's Cup of list...

#brought to U by smilyn.blogspot.com#

Motto of different country FIFA 06 woRLDCup team

Motto of different country FIFA2006 world cup team is a compliment from Dr Han (a Super football fan) from UK, as a comment he left to my previous post on World Cup 2006. I've also noticed Dr Han have been leaving lots of this similar comment on other sites and blogs as well. Anyway... here are the mottos:


1.We are football >Germany<

2.orange on the road to gold Netherlands

3.Liberte，Egalite，Jules Rimet >France<

4.Never-ending legend，united Korea

5.2006，It's Swiss o'clock

6.A passion to win and a thirst to succeed

7.angola lead the way,our team is our people

8.get up,argentina are on the move

9.australia's socceroos-bound for glory

10.vehicle monitored by 180 million brazilian heart

11.our army is the team,our weapon is the ball,let's get to germany and give it our all Costarica

12.ecuador my life,football my passion,the cup my goal

13.come on the elephants!win the cup in style

14.one nation,one trophy,eleven lions ENGLAND

15.go black stars,the stars of our world > Ghana<

16.stars of Persia

17.blue pride,italy in our hearts

18.light up your samurai spirit Japan

19.to the finals with fire in our hearts "> Croatia<

20.aztec passion across the world

21.from the heart of america...this is the guarani spirit

22.white and red,dangerous and brave >Poland<

23.with a flag in the window and a nation on the pitch,forca Portugal

24.the green hawks cannot be stopped > Saudi Arabia<

25.fight!show spirit!come on!you have the support of everyone >Sweden<

26.for the love of the game

27.spain,one country,one goal

28 with our support,ukraine cannot fail to win

29.here come the soca warriors-the fighting spirit of the Caribbean

30.belief and a lion's strength,for victory and our fans > Czech<

31.the carthage eagles...higher and stronger than ever

32.united we play,united we win>UNITED STATE<



I don't know about all that above but if I'm not wrong, A Time to Make Friends is the motto of the FIFA 2006 World Cup that is to be held from 9 June to 9 July 2006 in Germany. Whatever it is, shout out for your team!

# another entry from smilyn.blogspot.com on World Cup 2006 #

stay tune for more...

Wormy

Wormy went on wriggling all its might, struggling, struggling and struggling. All the non existence was however just an idealistic picture. How long will it last, I wonder. How long can it last, I wonder too...

World Cup 2006

As all of you may know, 'the time' is approaching and to prepare all of you folks to kick into this four-years-once-cup-madness, lets listen to what the men of the world have to say. You may want to recap the important messages again if you have read it before =)



Rules for the World CupExtremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year…

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:a) I will not go,b) I will not go, andc) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.



Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,Men of the World

# stay tune for more @ smilyn.blogspot.com #

"how come nobody asked me?"

I was watching Judging Amy yesterday on the episode where Amy Brenneman (Judge Gray) herself is fighting for custody (with her ex-hubby of course) over their child, Lauren. They were in the court 'attacking' each other, bla bla... both trying to show that they are of the best interest to Lauren.

When she tucked her daughter to sleep at night that day, just before she walked out of the room, Lauren popped up a question.

"how come nobody asked me?"

Silence. I was struck by this question too.

Sometimes we do lots and lotsa stuffs for a particular reason but we do somehow forgot about the reason itself. It is true that we sometimes care about someone so much that we just want let the best to happen to him or to her.

Just like Lauren, she knows her mom and dad loves her so much and wants to give her the best. She understands. But the voices of her heart is something that shouldn't be missed out...

"how come nobody asked me?"

Life is a constant change

Nothing much seems to be constant in life. From a height of a dwarfy midget you could have grown into a tall, skycraper like person. Your hair could probably used to be sleek and straight but now it may be in curls. Like what has happened to me. (And yeay! I can finally wash my hair!)

The usual size 4 you used to wear and the size of your shirt clinging on your body now. The hand you held in your palm today and the hand you used to hold to last time. The soft, supple skin you used to treat with gentle touches and the 'matured' texture you touch to now. Are they still the same? What is the constant?

As we grow and as time past, we outgrow our little kiddo size into a full grown adult. The hands we hold to today is no longer the same as yesterday. Track back the decades, when your parents held tightly to your tiny little hand; think of your baby skin you used to have that is so smooth, soft and bouncy. What is there to remain constant?

Of course, God has never changed and will never change. His love is the same and constant. He loves us all. He loves you. And He loves me.

But besides this, whats constant in life?

Changes.

Yeah, perhaps changes are the only thing that is constant in our life. For better or worse, things constantly change. Sometimes we change; we make changes. But at some other times, changes are beyond our control; others made the changes or maybe things have just simply changed.

Most of the time, however, when we saw and hop on to the bed of roses, one could be so comfortably addicted to the comfort and joy it brought, that a simple wish to stay just the way it is came uttering out of the innocent soul. Will it stay? How long will the sweet scent of roses lingers around?

Who can tell? Perhaps someone. Or perhaps no one. Rather than fixing to the unknown, rediverting the focus is probably a wiser thing to do. It is at least something we can do. Forget about the things we can't know. So take another deep breath of appreciation on the lovely roses you have now and enjoy it. Isn't that just simply nice... =)

Goodbye my lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

"Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt

Sitting back, with a relaxed soul, this song is playing repeatedly from my desktop. The song has been playing in the radio and in my head the whole day...and it is still playing. But most importantly I am enjoying it; I'm enjoying it more and more...

Don't click huh?!

"Don't click here"... It was clearly written there but somehow, some people will still roll the mouse over and click on it. That is exactly what I did when I was visiting Chris' page and hoolala~!!! And it is made available here, now... as you can see in the post below...all for your convenience but seriously, don't click ;)

Is it human nature or is it just me? When eye see and read the words: "DOn't click here", the informations will travel through the whole ophthalmic anatomy, then finally reaching my brain, it reads what it says. However, my motor response did not seems to be in a too good coordination. Hence, I clicked. Yeah, pretty unfortunate...I'm smart enough to go against this simple instruction.

Things may look simple as it seems but the weird, complexity in oneself may turn things the other way round. Sometimes it is even silly enough to make one wonder why am I not using my brain? or why am I not listening? Hopefully none will go banging on the wall shouting, why on earth did I do this?!

Anyhow, I did not regret for clicking it. In fact, I am relieved, if not glad, that I went to click on the link. For if I did not do so, I am probabaly still troubled by the urge to find out what will happen or how will it be after I do so. And I did it. I know what it is now. But of course in some other times I will go...

...urrghh... I am delinquent in my own ways and I know it. Sigh. No further comment.

Me no regrets but just a final word for you, don't click it =)

Don't cLicK !!!

DON'T CLICK HERE!

Perhaps Love

That day I watched Perhaps Love from the DVD I borrowed from my friend. To rate the movie, it was just ‘so-so’ I would say. This movie is special in its own way of course but it could have been better. It isn’t that strong; it isn’t solid enough.

Anyhow, I’m not going to babble like a movie commentator here. Overall, I would say it is still worthwhile watching this DVD. Well, not really because I think its nice but because it gives some tiny, circular waves on the quiet pond of thought which is indeed worth reflecting upon.

To begin with the title itself is already something to set you pondering.

“Perhaps Love”… What if love gets a second chance?

The script I like best was during the introductory stage/ chapter. To quote from the movie, it says:

Life is like a film

Each of us is the lead in our own film

Some might assume he is also the co-lead in someone else’s film

But in fact, his role is merely supporting

or just a bit part

or worse… his scenes could have been edited out

He just doesn’t know it

Then as the scene switched to a mother with her child…

Like the mother and child here

The girl will certainly be the lead in her mother’s film

Yet in 10 years

How important would the role of the mother be in her daughter’s film?

…then the narrator talked about deleted footages and he said:

Cause people do make mistakes in editing all the time

When they realize they made the wrong cut

I’d deliver the footages back to them.

I don't know about you or others but these words really pressed on the pause button. It makes me ponder and wonder, flying far into one's own reflection.

Very well potrayed I would say. If we take each of our life as a film on its own, I wonder how significant is my existence today in your film. Or it is not existing anymore? or perhaps it has never existed...

Life is a dynamic proccess. Things change; people change. Who am I to you today might not be the same to who am I to you tomorrow. Is it important? or does it matter? I don't know...

Some parts of our life we just wish to keep it forever, and eternity if possible. However, some part of it we just thought it would perhaps be much better to just delete it off. Good or bad; happy or sad; they are all part of our life, part of us... Could losing any of it be better? Perhaps. But wouldn't that mean we could lose ourself too?

We lead in our own film and we are the editor to our own film. If we ever made a wrong cut and realize it, I wonder if there is anyone out there who will deliver the footages back to us?... back to me?

Life is for living, live it

THERE are moments in life when you miss someone so much, you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens.

But often, we look so long at the closed door, we don't see the one which has been opened to us.

Don't go for looks, they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth, it can fade away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because a smile can make a dark day bright.

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go.

Be who you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do the things you want to do.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past.

You can't go forward until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Live your life so that at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Don't count the years - count the memories.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!

Sad N Funny

;( sad case...

Yes, I am an indecisive person. And, stop picking on me, you guys! Don't try to 'keik' me anymore of I'll chop you all into pieces. I'm already sad enough to loose the nice room in Pintar6 boarding house, so don't add on to my agony,k... friends don't do that rite??

I called the manager this morning to check out if I can bring my mom to have a look at the room that I intended to rent. To my dismay, the rooms are all taken up! aaahhhhhh~~!!! The nice, comfy, big, single rooms are all taken =(

ok, I know if I have decided earlier on, then I would have secured a room for me but I still need to discuss and get approval from mom and dad first,ok. Yeah, I know I should have got it done sooner. yEah, I know...don't do thing last minute...Didn't say it wasn't my fault but at least i still get to stay in hostel rite.

For the whole afternoon, the 'small' bully,Chris and the 'big' bully,Jeev kept pestering and nagging me on this issue. grrrooowwllll. Really gonna bite their heads off. (hear that,Chris? Jeev?) Be afraid...very afraid,ok?!... hehe. I dun wanna hear another word about how nice the room is anymore,k... =P

--------------------

=) funny case...


A very cute coincident happened today which I thought was rather funny. I took a taxi home from the KTM this afternoon and Uncle Yap, the taxi driver was a rather friendly one. Had a little chat with him and I've found out that he is the father to one of my secondary school's head prefect, who is very smart. He was surprised that I know who his son is. And I began telling him how can I not know him, a quite well known 'smarty' in SMKB. Almost everybody knows him...bla bla..

Then later in the evening, my sister took a taxi home with her friends. She was the first drop off and guess what?...It was uncle Yap's taxi again. haha.

And uncle Yap stay just right opposite the field behind my house... hahaha. It is indeed a small world afterall! ;)

16/04/06 @ med camp

It is my 3rd med camp that I attended, including this Sunday's. The first one was at JinJang Utara ( north Jinjang), second one was at ( south Jinjang) , and today, we were at Jinjang Utara again. Though all three are in different place, it seems like we are going from North --> South -->North.

We started off with a talk on HFM disease and then followed by all the NCD health screening as usual. As we were in a Tadika, there were quite a number of little cuties running around. The kids just run through every single little space they can squeeze. I even stopped a little boy from hitting others with a bottle, a plastic bottle. Those cheeky little kiddos are just sooo simply adorable ;)

Ok, back to my work today. I felt like I'm some sort working 7 days week now, not gonna complain yet though. U see...last year Easter, I got baptised. I was rather reluctant to attend this med camp actually. Many people might not felt anything too special. But to me, besides remembering the day Jesus was resurrected, it is also marks a year since I testify to all that I accepted Christ and was baptised. However, i told myself, I can still go to the 5pm service later.

oh yeah, bout my work today. Though it was in a Tadika, we don't deal with the kids. It is just the tadika that we are using. I helped with the health screening for while and then I went to the room where they conduct Pap Smear test. Besides observing and learning, I was given the golden opportunity to perform the test. Yeap! My first hands on, doing the Pap Smear test for the ladies =)

Some of the ladies are rather tensed. That isn't helping, especially I'm equally tensed as well. The staff nurse usually let me do the easier ones buy it was a great experience. After a few times, I start to get the hold of it. If not because of them, I wouldn't have learn that much. The staff nurse are really willing to teach and put the trust to let me do it. Being the first time inserting and getting some of the tissue samples, I wasn't really that confident and sure. But, the staff nurse was ever ready to guide and motivate me. Honestly, I owe it to them.

Again, there goes another med camp. I left feeling satisfied and thankful, which outweighs all the reluctancy I've felt previously.

15/04/06 in ED

There wasn't many that are working on Saturday. The guard was also surprised to see me coming to the hospital today. Well, just to see if there's anything interesting to learn.

We were browsing and looking through X-ray films and CT scans, trying to interpret and eyeing for the 'chinese smiling face' in the CT brain. We saw two emergency resusitation case today. One was well but we lost the other one.

The man, with chest pain and SOB, deteriorated within half an hour upon entering. When his BP dropped and the heart beat was unstable, I felt the adrenaline rush looking at them performing their job. They kept calling the uncle, trying to keep him awake. It is getting more and more 'alarming and panicky' every moment. After the MA gave a loud 'thump' on his chest, he asked to ring the code call as they are in need of staff assistance at that moment.

I rang the bell once. No one came. Then, after another bell, few staffs came running in. My hands felt cold and my heart raced fast. It was critical. I stood there continuing looking. After more than half an hour of CPRs and a few defibrillations (my 1st time seeing this in real life) , he still did not make it.

As he was a chinese, I was being a medium between the patient and the doctors. That makes me one of the few last person he talked to before leaving.

The X-ray machine was already ready outside. However, we did not even have the chance to perform a CXR on him.

But I guess.... all that can be done has already been done. I was still talking to him a moment ago but now, he is lying still on the bed. We lost him.

with little prayers... may you rest in peace, uncle...

13/04/06 in ED

The whole Emergency Department seems unusually quiet today. Not much activities seem to be going on and most of the doctors we saw during the morning briefing is nowhere in sight as well. We hang around, yawning, sitting, standing, walking, lepaking here and there aimlessly until almost 3pm, when the code call was rang.

Today's encounter is best described in one word, complicated. At least thats how i see this. It was a suicidal case; an intentional weedkiller case. I see this as complicated for it involves families conflict. A man with 2 wives.

There was a brief, little, drama-like fight in resus. area jus now and we have to ask the guards to bring the 2nd wife out. The 1st wife and family were kept waiting in the room while we have to separate the 2nd wife from them and let her wait in the entrance.

When I was out helping a chinese lady in the triage and registrar, the 2nd wife come asking me and flooding me with her story... this and that. sigh... Then,...

back in the resus. area, the 1st wife n family came asking once in while to see the patient... then we have to hold them back, ask them to wait in the waiting room. Tears, angers, conflicting emotions filled the whole atmosphere.

We were there until the patient was admitted into the ward. As we are not any of the medical personnel in charge, it is rather hard to face the family members, of both side. Furthermore, we are not in a position convenient to give any report on the patient.

Complicated. All came in emotionally, with tears... It is sad; sad to see that it has to come to this stage...

12/04/06 in ED

I begin to feel rather sensitive to the sound of the burglar alarm now, after being in the Emergency Dept. for a week plus. Everytime the alarm is rang, we will head straight to the 'red zone' ; the resusitation area. So every now and then, any burglar alarm like sound will give me a little 'jump'.

Upon arrival early in the hospital early this morning, the alarm rang twice.My friends was still stuck in the jam at that time. So,I put on the coat and went in. The moment I stepped in, I was in shock- most probably cardiogenic shock. All the staffs were there; the docs,MOs, MAs, SNs; standing in a circle with the head briefing in front. I stood by the door frozen for 5 milisecond and then some of them start gesturing and asking me to come in, "masuklah.. masuklah.." ... gulp... ok... and I went in to join the crowd.

One of the doc was briefing the patient's situation when I joined in. And then the head started shooting questions to everyone. As it was going around the circle, my legs feel weaker and weaker as the 'dead sentence' gets nearer to me. The docs all have some answer to say in reply but it is really an "oh no!" to me. I don't even know what is happening, whats wrong with the patient, ... some even speak some alien terms, which sounds pretty bombastic to me. Ok, I'm sweating all over now. Everyone is probably gonna look at me with their eyeballs potruding like a goldfish, expecting me to vomit some really sensible answer. One by one passed the 'test'. gosh! help me!!!

...it was my turn but then, thank God, she said " ini tak payah, belum belajar lagi clinical"... phew, I'm so glad and thankful.... A big relieve. The rest of the time, I was just standing there, listening while others are being questioned one by one, without exception.

--------------------------------------

Today, I had my first encounter of a BID patient. He was brought in dead. What can be done? Nothing, i assume. He was already in rigor motis, with mouth open and eyes wide open. Later, we could hear people crying over his death, sudden death. Then the ED's MO have to break the news to them. That is so tough. It was all so sudden, sad, and thats the end...

走?

当我一步一步的再 走迁去走下去的时候,每一个脚步开始觉得越来越沉重.走了多远我自己也不清楚.很想停下来因恐怕自己走了太远.心里好多的疑问,好多的不肯定,和矛盾.一切所藏在内心里的自己也静静的开始想代替你回答.或许我们根本都没有答案.不过综还是须要一个方向罢.情绪的波动,渺茫的影子,...一切都是糢糊的.看不见又摸不见.我也不知道该如何的走了...

I am sick

I am at the time of the month where I get agitated real easily. I know it and I've been trying to avoid being agitated. But others come looking for it. So the final sum of the equation will be irritability plus agitation.

PMDD is what I'm having. With a sound mind, I know it well enough to self diagnose this. Frankly speaking it is rather severe coz it interferes with part of my daily activities and relationship. And if you are wondering, no, I'm not taking any medication.

I probably should consider. Ask the fresh victim who have tasted the swing given. I felt sorry for that, really am. Maybe someone should just give me Prozac or some serotonin booster or whatever before I bite another head off. Urgh.. I am sick, so all the poor victims, please be understanding and forgiving.

I feel like rambling further but no, I think I shall not do it here. Will most probably recover by tomorrow or so anyway. It is just so sick to be sick ;(

light-head-ME

I am feeling much 'light-headed' now, after some snipping in the saloon just now. I have always enjoyed going to saloon for haircut. It feels good; it is relaxing, comfy, pampering and 'de-stressing'.

Basically I still look the same, but with shorter hairs. Though I wanted to change my hairstyle but since I have not decided what kind of change should I go for, and I need to go get some hands on my hair, I just ask the hairstylist to do some little cutting or trimming. I shedded quite an amount of fur and yup, i've just tuned into 'light and easy'...and thats a perfect mode before starting my posting in the hospital tomorrow. If everything is alright, we should be placed in the emmergency ward. YuP yUpz... that is where all the A&E cases are. Hmm...don't know what is the new excitement on hold for us to explore and experience... but the first obstacle to overcome is to wake up EARLY and arrive there by 8am. Thats gonna be quite a torture especially during this long semester break.

I wonder which human get up early in the dawn during the holidays. Birds do. But, I am a human; not a bird, and I'm definitely not an early bird.

OUR pink shirt

This was what I wore yesterday and Anna wore the same as well. Yeah! The exact same one! Hmm..such a coincidence?

Nope. [And not to worry, I'm not going to give any of you an April Fool's joke or trick. ] Actually, we bought it together last week in Bangsar. FOS was on a 'buy one free one' bargain and this idea just came up. We got this same pink, baby-tee and had a deal to wear it in this week's Cell Group meeting, which was yesterday. It has been quite some time since I have this kind of 'fun'.

I used to do this with my bunch of secondary school's girlfriends. Besides school shirts, all of us has a similar shirt ( as in same design but different colour), bracelet, necklace pendant and pencil case! Some of us have other similar stuffs as well like shorts and key chains..but, that was the good- old- funny days. We used to ask each other what will we be wearing.. so quite often, few of us will wear exactly the same outer attire. Or sometimes, we will just set, "Ok, this time we shall all wear skirt and sleeveless shirt". hehe, Back then, it was really funny cause we, as girls, did not really dare to dress up in skirts and sleeveless yet. So we have to specially set a day where we will all share the courage and try to look like and dress like a decent girl. haha. Time passes. People change. Now, each of my buddies have grown to become a pretty, fair and sweet girl-ie. luv them all ;)

The feeling of 'together-ness' is something I did and do miss a lot, especially when each of us has gone to pursue a different route and consequently, time spent together is very much less.

However, this time, the little act of being sister like and put on the same shirt with her has brought me the warmth of joy with some adorable, naughty gigglings that are just so simply nice :)

I'm having a BIG head

I am now at the point where I am feeling like stress to the max. I owe it all to the sudden surge of tasks which need immediate attention and action. Everything is up with glaring red flag, signalling for great urgency, giving me nothing but a BIG head.

And when i said sudden, it means unexpected. Unexpectedly tells that I am not prepared nor did it come across my mind that this will occur. Let alone the sudden attack is enough to give me a headache and make my head big big. With all the attached deadlines in short notice, that is like pumping extra large amount of stress booster, enough to cause an enormous increase of pressure and make me go like this:

hmmph, that looks rather constipated.

Yes, a little pressure helps to move us forward. I agree. But when the pressure exceeds, it makes us stumbling down instead.

My friend told me this in reply:

Pressure won't make things tumble, if it is evenly spread out among everyone...but if the pressure falls on a point or just one person, then it will really go tumbling down.

Very well said. That makes sense, and I too hope to find people to help share and spread out the pressure as well. But where to and how to spread to everyone when I can't find anyone? sigh.

And as the pressure within continue to build, I will probably end up like that:

Note to all: I would prefer you to bring me any flowers but the normal, old crysanthemum you see on any other graves.

With special thanks to mr bestman for the pair of attentive ears. You helped to keep my head intact. hehe. Thanks a million =)

what was it tht i was doing?

Another week deducted from my semester break. Time sure has passed really fast especially when one is occupied with stuffs and activities. People are wondering what have been keeping me occupied. When asked about this, words did not really manage to crawl out of my throat. Perhaps this is some kind of 'holiday redundancy syndrome'. It is like, yeah... what is it that I'm busy with huh? ermm...hmmm....well, there's something... but what is it huh?

Now you see the effect of a too long break does to you? It kills brain cells and cause some certain degree of very apparent reduncancy, especially those requiring spontaneous reaction.

After given much ample time, I recall in detail what did i basically do for all the big chunks of free time. I'm like a part time housewife now. I do some basic house chores everyday, from sweeping to helping in the kithcen. Ever wonder what does housewives do all day long in the house? Those basic tasks to make and maintain a house as a home are what those that has consumed all the time and energy. Salutes to all great moms and houswives! =)

Though I am not anywhere close to be fitted the tittle 'housewife' yet, but my current daily activities are pretty much similar to what the woman in your home does. Take my words, it is no easy job. But of course, I can't compare with them. So that are what I was doing. I wasn't occupied by nothing.

BUT, some of my uni mates are really seemed to be consumed by boredom. You never know what boredom can do to you. This particular classmate of mine told me that he is so bored that he is going mad. You'll understand better if u read what he said:


Him: sooo mad that i am scheming plans to take over the world. even writing my political speeches of victory

Me: can i read it?

Him:u want me to type it out now ???

Me:u serious ?

Him: i got no prob. i am so bored that i will do anything now to keep my self busy.here it is:

first day in the global campaign of world domination
Fellow people of this earth
to long have u been opressed by corrupt men of power
those who have used your blood n sweat to seal their own seat of power
but not for long i say
for a new power shall rise
the power of fear to those who think their are the power now
I 'XXX' shall be the bringer of doom to them
but for this to occur
i shall need the people's strength n honour
for that i summon u , free people of their soul n mind
to accompany me in this global domination
the rise of the 'XXX' Empire
cannot be stoped
the fire of the new empire shall spread
from coast to coast
engulfing those who oppose it
I shall crush those who stand in my way
for a better world a few saccrifices has to be taken
a few have to be ed
for the greater the lest then perfect must be removed
for perfection
I a rule for perfection

support for the rise of the new Empire
give your mind n body to me
let me be your mind
with it peace shall prevail
the Doom Guards shall be unleashed to those who oppose the comming legion
we shall fight them in every front that they meet us
mercy must not to be shown to the weak ones
for I can't afford mercy in the name of perfection
so what say u
are u with me
or against the comming empire of gloryfication
The 'XXX' Empire

Me: against?

Him: then u shall be my first victim in the name of perfection
u shall be purified in the eyes of the non-believers
for their worthless stand against me

Me: -_-"

Him: u shall live the living death torture
Him: how was it? u see i am getting mad

Me: i see that. lucky enuf u realize tht

Him: how can i control my thrist for domination on those who live
i need blood in my hands
i need the sound of pain to relax myself
i need to feel the pure taste of bood
how do i quench the lust for scream of pain
i need to inflict pain
missery i must cause
for in chaos that we humans shine the most

*
*
*

Now you see the horror that can strike when boredom settles?


OK, as for now I'm thinking if there's any part time jobs I could take before my routines turn me into a scary, mad human like my friend. Employment from now till June, anyone??

A walk to remember

In Federal Hotel...

Make ups and hairdo, yupz...we are now all set. Just waiting for the groom to pass all the tough tests to get his wife-to-be =)

Anna and I in the hotel room. Doesn't she just look like a little princess? With her sweet smile, her look is just so beautiful and mesmerizing...

And now, for the final 'test' before you are allowed to get the bride.

Ready for it, Edmund? Okies, give us 10 great reasons why you want to take Anna as your wife?...time is ticking... best wishes to ya! ;)

-------------------------------------------------

In Imbi chapel...

A moment to keep and to treasure.

The whole world seems so still, yet it is so touching that it will sure move every single soul that was blessed to witness this precious moment. With prayers and blessings from everyone to bring this couple into one, it is the peak of the ceremony, as they hold hand in hand, uttering their solemn vow in the presence of God.

...to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish;
from this day forward until death do us part.

And as we ( the bestman and I) handed the rings over to them, it was just such an indescribable feeling, blessed with God's grace, when they finally seal their vow of love with their wedding rings.

11th March 06, it is a walk to remember. On that day, they walked out of the church as husband and wife.

All in a day's wedding....

It is sure a very tiring day, draining every single unit of energy I have but everything is worthwhile. I felt honoured to be her bridesmaid, to walk the journey together with her. Till the end of the day, it is not on how exhausted I felt but on how thankful I am to be chosen to enjoy this greatest moment of hers' and his'. I seal all these preciously wonderful moments with tears of joy at the bottom of my heart...

A heartfelt congrats to you and Edmund again, Anna! Congrats... =)

A tragic ending

As I was waiting for the orthopedic to consult my grandma, I came across an article on: Flower Power in Feb 06's Urban Health mag. A study on "The Emotional Impact of Flowers" was conducted by Professor Jeannette M.Haviland-Jones, Professor of Psychology, Human Development Lab at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, with the help from The Society of American Florist. These are the few points that was mentioned:

• Flowers have an instant impact on happiness.
• Something about flowers has the capacity to break down social barriers, leading to increased contact with family and friends.
• Flowers have immediate and long-term effects on emotional reactions, mood, social behaviours and even memory.
• Flowers were often placed in areas of the home that were open to visitors, suggesting that flowers are a symbol for sharing. Flowers bring about positive emotional feelings in those who enter a room. They make the space more welcoming and create a sharing atmosphere.

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Well, no doubts on that...

These are the birthday flowers from my sister dearie

The bouquet of white roses I carried as Anna's bridesmaid... a day to remember, a must-keep item, a great moment to cherish...the flowers still bear the sweet memories of 11th March 06

I love them all. From fresh flowers, they will be preserved into 'dried flowers', so that I could keep them as long as I can. They seems to be doing beautifully well all this while as I hung them up upside down to preserve their existence. The strong aroma of the white roses are still as sweet and captivating as ever...

--------------------------------------------------

However, last saturday was a tragic day to begin with. This is what happened:

Those poor little flowers were found dead at the back of my house, in the trash.

The convict? My grandma. She told us that since the flowers are all dried up, she thought that it is time to let the sanitary engineers deal with it and plus, Saturday is a day those DBKL-ians come to collect whats in our the trash. And my precious flowers are in the trash :'(

sigh....

And this is whats left...

The little pearls from the white bouquet; the only thing my grandma saved for me.

My commuter's nightmare

If you read yesterday's Sunday Star newspaper, this is what you see on the frontpage.

A commuter's nightmare. [Got these pic from thestar.online picture gallery.]

Sometimes its really more than a nightmare. I was dropped off at MV's commuter station around 3 sthg in that Saturday evening. When I arrived at the platform, I saw the time was blinking on the board, indicating that the next train is going to show up soon. "phew, good timing", I thought. Yeah, thats only what I thought. The train was no where in sight. Fine, this is quite common actually and I continued waiting, while the crowds continued to pile up 'mountain-ously'. The 2nd train that was scheduled to arrive did not turn up as well. Same goes to the 3rd and then the board goes blank. YES! Nothing! No more next scheduled train. OK, now what?

"... disebabkan gangguan teknikal, tren komuter telah mengalami kelewatan... segala...amat dikesali ..."

...I'm speechless ...

I continued standing there fanning myself, irritative-ly with the commuter ticket, staring at the railway track, hoping that if I stare long enough, the train might appear and bring me back. I desperately need to get back. It is already half past four and I have to prepare and leave for Anna's wedding dinner by 6.30pm. How can i possibly make it when I'm still stranded here?

At that moment, how I wished there's someone I could ask for help. Yeah, in my dreams. Urggh... I stormed up to ask the attendant how long more will it take for a train to finally appear magically. I wasn't the only one. I waited for the others to finish and when asked, I was told that a train is currently heading here to pick us up, in about 20 mins time. ONE train to pick all these crowds up? He remained silence. Ah, forget it!

Then a lady, a total stranger, approached me and ask me what happened and bla bla...

We were in a rush and we decided to get our tickets refunded and opt for a taxi instead, though the recent rise in petrol price means that they are probably going to charge us with a crazy price. (that is one of the reason why I was in such a dilemma and was quite reluctant to quit waiting and go get a taxi instead)

I guess I see no other better choice. It is already 5pm! I taxi-pooled with the lady. Thank God! At least, we shared out the taxi fare. We got down at Segambut commuter station, one stop before Kepong's, as her car was parked there. I got into her car and she dropped me off at one of the bus stop on her way to pick up her children. And from there, I called to ask my mom to fetch me back.

The lady did ask, wouldn't my mom be shocked that I actually go 'tumpang' a total stranger's car?

I smiled. (I'm late and I see no other choice and I don't think of anything evil that you would do to me, erm..rite? ) hehe. Well, you trusted me as well and so I trust you as well. (what am I talking? what does she need to trust me for anyway?..whatever) But if it was a guy, I wouldn't dare to do so.

Anyway, I got back home safely though I was late for the dinner. The take home messageS are:

1. If you are using the commuter service, 1 hour time allowance is NOT enough. Do allow at least maybe, erm...3 hours? or maybe more. But if you are not in a rush, you can always spend half day waiting for the train to finally appear and enjoy being sandwiched in the train. Oh, an oxygen tank may come handy at times like that.

2. Bring more money so that you can always opt for a taxi, alone or not, when you really can't wait for the magic to do its job.

3. Magic doesn't work well on trains.

4. Prayers work. Pray to God. Thank God, I met that lady.

5. If you have someone like your buddy, boyfriend or husband,(who knows how to drive and have a car, peferably,) that is 24 hours on call, you have an advantage and you shall see more options available when in great need of help.

6. Follow our leader. Datuk Seri Ong Ka Ting took Putra LRT and ERL, not KTM commuter.

But then again, places where only KTM commuter can bring you to, keep the fingers cross and just hope that you'll get there (0n time?).

7. Forget about the 30 cents frustration because the commuter's nightmare can drive you crazy. So keep your feet on the pedals again.

8. Time is precious; much precious than money/ petrol.

9. If this happens to you, you can always refund the ticket. (in case you didn't know)

10. Bring along sufficient water and probably something to give you sufficient sugar input to sustain the long hours of standing, to prevent dehydration and to keep yourself as calm and cool as possible(,though it is not quite possible).

Ooops, I forgot to warn you that this post consists heavy dose of frustration; its not U rated.

The rehearsal

The petrol went up 30 cent and we all felt it. Today, we were all gathered at church before leaving to the chapel at Imbi, which I have no idea where on earth it is. We were lack of transportation because the petrol price increament has effectively reduced the number of drivers. So, I had to drive. Fine with me then. I told the other drivers to drive slower so they could lead me to the chapel as we (me and the others in my car) are not familiar with the roads. Ok, so all of us went off and i was the second car to go. Within 10 mins, all the other cars overtook me and I became the last in line. Its ok, as long as I still have someone to trail. However, 'zig-zag-ZAP!' the last car that I was trailing dissapeared from my sight within minutes. I knew it! I knew no one listened to what I've said just now. So, the yellow road runner was left alone, seeking its way through. It did not feel good at all. There was a mixture of feelings, including dissapointment. Both negative's and positive's seems to be on war, trying to dominate over each other. Never mind 'who' won; neither am I saying.

---------------------------------------------

And so tonight was the rehearsal. Gosh! It was only rehearsal and I can feel the tense and my stomach seems to be twisted a million times. Every steps seems to be like forever and worst still, I can't even hold still (wow, tht rhymes). I was 'vibrating' all over, especially everytime when I lift my feet off the ground. Minus the crowd thats gonna fill up the seats, I am already this nervous. I can't even walk straight just now. *close eyes* I cannot imagine how this Saturday afternoon is gonna be. It is so freaking scary~~!!! I never thought its gonna be this scary. Can I like, back off now before I suffer from extreme tachycardia?? aahhh...please, people! pray for me, wish me all the best!

my TOEnails

These was how my toenails look like since last month, during the CNY.

But, why only toenails? That's because:
- I don't want to get into any trouble when reporting to medical officers during my posting.
- I don't want to pose any threat or danger of poking the patients
- or 'intoxicating' them with those nail varnish
- or be triggering their hypersensitivity response ( you never know who's allergic to these)
- I don't want to cause any contamination on whatever


I'm almost hopeless when it comes to grooming and beauty but the pedicure done was pretty satisfactory, to me, at least.

"Is that bruises at your toes?" some will remark.

(-__-''') after all my hardwork, they only look like bruises?! oh well, now i feel like banging my head on the wall and get bruises up there instead...

Others will comment, "You painted your toenails? Did you do the pedicure on your own?...bla bla.."

"yeah, hehe.." Alas, at least some still think its ok (and are not bruises). Well, thats worth a few pat on the back. =)

But now, my feet are looking bare and naked again. Thats for now.

I'll put on another coat for them again after maybe one or two days of 'oxygen therapy' and get them all (including the fingernails...its ok now coz i'm done with my posting) ready for the big day. Ermm, but, I have no slightest idea what to put on. Any ideas anyone???

Well, they might all end up simple and plain afterall but it doesn't matter as long as they look presentable enough, if not sexy, on that day. hehe.

Med Camp

Event : Med Camp (Kem Kesihatan)
Place : Rumah Panjang Jinjang (Kwsn A)
Date : 5th March 06
Day : Sunday
Time : 8.30am - 1.00pm

The registration area where the health screening is done.

They even have volunteers to 'babysit' the patient's children, teaching them origami, singing and dancing. Nice n cute, aye?

notice the 'yellow road runner' on the background? hehe... thank God i arrived early and got a near place with nice shed =)

taking dextrostick reading... "jeng, jeng, jeng...here comes the needle!"


And now, for the different expressions during BP taking...

huh?! ermm..?

nice, sweet and warm smile, aunty!
The weather is getting hotter, my hand is getting weaker, ear is getting more deaf and the crowd is getting larger... help!

I'm now an 'expert' in BP measurement! hehe.. even my cutie-little-boy-supervisor approves and agrees..

They made me look so 'dwarfily small n tiny'! But actually, this is what u call an 'optic illusion'. I am NOT short. Enough said.

...and at the end of the day, we all had a great time. Nice experience working with huge bunch of about 100 other volunteers.

reACTIVATED

YeaY !!! finally my streamyx account is re-activated. It was suspended 2 weeks ago but has served for good as well anyway. At least i don't see my sis stuck in front of the computer 24 hrs. hehe. But I'm glad that i can have back my internet access again =)