All I get

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All I get are these...

.....for my birthday ???!!!!

Last week, I got attracted and influenced to play the "egg-y" machine or the "tikam" game. To play it is simple. All you need is 50 cents coin. Put the coin(s) in accordingly, turn the knob of the machine, wait for the machine to lay the "egg" out, and hoola~! You'll have your mystery gift inside your "egg". Open it, and shout. You can either shout in happiness (hopefully), shout in dismay, or shout in 'geramness'.

I got this cutie last week on my 3rd attempt:

And I was hoping to give myself a birthday treat with another cute animal soft toy. But, sigh!!!!! I got 3 'rotten' eggs instead. :(

'wish' & 'should'

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A lot of times, I wished. I wished she would have fought harder. I wished she would have hanged on a bit more. Just a bit more.

It was harder to understand than I thought. I mean why wouldn't she make it through? She has made it through so much. So much. She got better too. She did. She survived an operation. And even survived a heart attack. Even the kidney failure was just transient. She should be discharging soon. But, just as things were getting better, her whole system decided to collapse? I could not comprehend. I do not understand.

She was strong. She has been strong. But, selfish me, I wished she would be stronger.

I wished she would just survived this once more. Just once more.

I wished the doctors could have done more instead of saying, "confused? why is she confused?", "she has got all the reasons to be confused". They should have done more.

As the "wish" & "should" moments came flooding again, I grieved. I grieved for her absence.

She fought a lot. And she fought enough. I know.

But, I also know that she is no longer here.

I miss you a lot, 'Apo'.