When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

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My hotmail inbox are filled with unread forwarded messages and out of this hot afternoon boredom I opened the email "Story from husband" forwarded from Suny:

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Good guys??

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'She' was telling me on the sweet, romantic stuffs 'he' did and... Chris snapped in, " romantic guys are not good guys. Don't believe in them"

We looked at him.

"It is true," he replied enthusiastically.

"Are there any good guys?" I asked.

He paused for a while and he thoughtfully answered, "Well, erm..yeah...quite true.."

"There is no good guys rite?"

He nodded in agreement and continued scribbling in his notebook.

He isn't the first who came to agree with this and I bet there is more that share the same thought; even they themself (the males) would acknowledge it. Guys, a lot of them are jerks. What jerks? All kind of jerks. I found quite a well descriptive piece of writting on this in Lai Imm's blog. Click here to read "Ode to Jerks". Enjoy! And yeah I know not all guys are the same so people, don't get offended ;)

Journey detour

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I hopped into the commuter in the fresh Monday morning. My 'son' has agreed to pick me up from the BTS station later. To keep my travelling time productive, I held the Reader's Digest with my free hand, made myself comfortable and started reading.

"KL Sentral...KL Sentral...babble babble mumble mumble.."Door opened, door closed. Train moved.

I looked out the window, and thought the route was kinda different today. I don't usually see so many greens and..hmm, anyway.. I continued reading.

"Angkasapuri...Angkasapuri.." Door opened, door closed. Train continued moving.

Angkasapuri? hmm.. ok... scratch head. I looked back on the page I was reading.

"Pantai Dalam...Pantai Dalam..."

Ok, this is far too weird. Something is very wrong. I looked at the map of the rail route and... I knew it! I knew something wasn't really right. I am in the Pelabuhan Klang train. Oh my goodness, how did that happened. It is not supposed to happen. (Wahhh~!!!) Better get off the train as soon as possible.

Door opened, I walked out, door closed, train went off.

I carried my luggage and walked across the bridge to the platform opposite to get the Sentul train back KL Sentral.

This time, I wasn't reading anymore nor am I able to read. The Sentul train is so packed. It is pretty scary to join the 'human-sardine-party' and its an especially horrifying trip when you don't even have the space to put down the bag on the floor. Though it was 2 stations away before reaching the central station, the commuter just have to go momentarily dead halfway, prolonging the sardine party. urgh, yeay~... My right arm feels as if it is going to be detached any moment soon and my poor little fingers are turning purplish. It is no fun at all standing carrying a sling bag and a luggage bag (its heavy!!) , sardined as close as possible to each other with people sticking to you, touching your butt, in that oxygen depleted train.

"Kl sentral...KL sentral..." Door opened, I poured out together with the crowds, door closed.

It is not very much of a relief yet actually. I gathered all the strength carrying my bags up the stairs and down the stairs, to the platform opposite to catch the Seremban train, which I am supposed to have boarded from Kepong. I made sure it was the correct platform, placed my luggage bag down, leaned against the wall, panting, catching my breath, and waited for the train to arrive.

Well, all the carrying and climbing explains the body ache I am having now, after going through the hand re-attachment surgery. I am not built to sustain or endure these kind of weight bearing activities. However, no angels came falling to the rescue. So, now all I am praying for is a masseur, prefferably a cute, handsome and free one of course. But yeah, I knew there wouldn't be any. That is why body ache is all that I have now =(

You see...

This is how it is supposed to work. The commuter that passes Kepong is the Rawang-Seremban's and by right it will bring me straight to Bandar Tasik Selatan (BTS). That is shown in the dark blue route. But, somehow I ended up on the red track instead, which brought me to Pantai Dalam.

This is what took place instead; the detours:

Oh my...this is just simply so energy consuming and I shall discontinue my elaboration here.

Lessons from today journey:

1. Listen attentively to all the babbling and mumbling.

2. The norm is not always the norm. And it is usually so when you least expected it.

3. Assumptions can be wrong, pretty surprisingly wrong.

Back to school -summary-

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It is great to be back to school again, with all the friends. Though they are a bunch of crappy, big bully, flirtatious, silly group of people, there are those who are such a sweet heart and dear to you.

Classes are mostly in the afternoon now, making way for our beloved juniors who are coming in this July. I can now make it to most of the classes without being late. hehe. PBLs, FLMs, QnAs and formative assessments are coming haunting once again.

Our schedule on friday especially ... "urgh!"... Since we have hospital attachments in the morning, formative assessments will end late in the evening. sigh. Anyhow I guess its time to get the engine kicking again. yawn.

All were quite excited about the revelation of the new arrangement for PBL grouping, mentor list and the hospital attachment groups. Some will be thanking God but some others will be banging head and be made a laughter among others. Whatever it is, all the best to all of us, people! haha.

pre back-to-school emo

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It seems just yesterday that we started our unimaginably long holiday but it is now rather unimaginable that our holiday has come to an end. BlInK!*bLiNk!*

I flipped through the new timetable. oH my gOodness! Generally my lectures are all in the afternoon now, which means its after lunch, at 1.30pm. Thats not a good choice. And frankly, I'm not liking it yet coz:

  1. It creates 'half hanging' kind of feel.
  2. It demotivates me.
  3. It gives me excuse to laze and wake up late (if i ever wake up).
  4. My brain is least active at that hour.
  5. Extra sleepy factor. (you see, sometimes Subject + Lecture + Lecture's Volume is already lullaby enough... N now, Time + Post Lunch Factor + Cool n Comfy Aircond vs. hot afternoon increases the sleeping factor from the power of 3 to the power of 6 or 7.)
  6. That also indirectly increases the probability of failing doing less well in the subjects.
  7. It means no afternoon nap (on bed).
  8. I like morning classes better.
  9. I dislike afternoon classes.
  10. You can't really use the excuse: "Sir, sorry I woke up late this morning.." when you are late for class.
  11. That means my day ends later. urgh.
  12. Like that means no more after class lepaking.

Sigh. This is an entry just to babble, rant and whine. Meaningless post but I need to let it out. So skip this if you wish to coz i am gonna continue babbling...

I miss my roomate ;(

I miss the lovely home Chris, Sherri n Hui Ying is staying ;(

I miss room 414 =(

I sure will miss home ;(

I miss morning classes =(

I miss finishing early =(

I miss holiday =(

I miss lots of things... sigh... oh well, it's the new sem. Time to move on and say "Welcome to Year 2"....geez, I am so unprepared. But its coming.. just like when one is playing hide-and-seek. Ready or not here I come!

Alrite then, take a deep deep breath, fake a sweet sweet smile n say "Hello n Welcome to the new sem, to the brand new Year 2!!!" =)

Well, despite all that... one of the thing (hopefully not the only thing) that I most look forward to is the attachment at Hospital Rumah Orang Asli.

Now, I'm just gonna sit back, close my eyes and await for the new sem to reveal the treasure beneath...