暧昧

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情
还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还是你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑

眼前的人

是不是同一个

真实的你

暧昧让人变得贪心

直到等待失去意义

无奈我和你

写不出结局

放遗憾的美丽

停在这里

by 杨丞琳

A song i've downloaded not long ago and set as one of my handphone's ringtone...

My sister's 'masterpiece'

Thats it! I have to get my eyes off the books for a while-time for a bReAk! No 'kit-kat' here, hence, I forcefully robbed the computer's seat off from my sister so that i could check my mailbox, read some blogs, and browse around. Yeah, i know..I'm a bad sister..haha.

She went and undress my laptop out of its casing. I thought she just wanted to listen to some songs stored inside but very soon, the tip-tap and click-clack rhythms was playing as a musical accompaniment to the Jay Chou's songs. I turned to look at her, raised my eyebrows...

"what are you doing?"
Giving me a mischevious grin,"You'll know..."
oK..I smell something fishy here but I couldn't really be bothered.

"Alrite! It's done! hehehehehehe.."
"really? come, let me have a look on what have you done to my poor laptop."

And here is the little masterpiece from the cute,little, mischievious brat:

WARNING: this story contains doink doink material and is not
suitable for some viewers.

Jo Lyn is a doink doink girl. Once she went for a walk in the garden behind her house. Being the doink doink girl she is, she accidentally fell into the drain so everyone tat was at the garden saw this laugh so hard at the poor doink doink Jo Lyn. She was so embarrassed that she ran all the way home, but while she was running she came across a pile of dog and cat and cow and bird shit, because she was running so fast, she wasn’t able to avoid that doink pile of shit, she lost her balance n fell face first into the pile of shit. She was so upset and smelly that she ran right home. From that time onwards she’s known as the smelly doink doink girl. All this got her very upset, all the mockery’s so she decided to turn to Munchies. Slowly she became addicted to the munchies. She would chomp and chomp the munchies with a maniac smile, no one could stop her or stand in the way between her and the Munchies.
That is the story of how Dr.Jo Lyn got her nick name, smelly doink munchie
addict. The moral of the story is, never fall into a drain and then into a pile
of shit mixture, most importantly never turn to munchies because munchies will
not solve your problems. The End~!

Attention to all the honourable readers of my blog:
This story has all the intention to implant improper messages and values into your brain cells. Don't buy this!Its not true! I posted this up just for a mere laugh to brighten your day up =)
Note 1: I'm just a normal student (the "Dr" tittle can be deceiving)
Note 2: Munchie- Vanilla flavor love letters are just IRRESISTABLE~!!! Yummy...

Alright, time's up! My sister is throwing tantrum and that means "Hands off the computer!"

the weird singaporean guy

• I've finally watched Harry Potter with my sister today. Yeah we've got the front row but it wasn't that bad. At least mission accomplished and the promise is fulfilled. It is certainly worthwhile to pay a student price of RM6 for this 2 1/2 hours movie. Though the book was better but, No regrets.
• As we were walking into the shopping mall, a singaporean guy came asking us for some RM10 charity postcard for a centre which is somewhere in my housing area. I was a bit in doubt,honestly. Anyway, I gave him 10 bucks. End of story? I thought so as well, until this guy started asking ...

"can we be friends?"

In reply, I smiled.

Silence. (erm..ok)

"Well, we are friends now since I bought the postcard from you" (ok,friend..bye!)

"If you don't mind i would like to get your contacts?"

My sister and I exchanged looks. (can we like say no?...mommy told us not to talk to strangers.)

"It's ok, don't worry. I won't do anything to disturb you. Errmm.. maybe if you can't give your phone no, u can give me your msn add. Do u use msn?"

I was tempted to say "no" but i was feeling the guilt if i lie but maybe some ammendment. " Yeah, but we SELDOM use it..VERY RARELY we use it"

"Its ok. Don't worry. Just msn. But if you want to give phone no as well, i won't mind of course"

(but i do mind giving you phone no)

I gave my msn add reluctantly since he was standing there with the pen and paper all ready, which i come to think of it now...was it a bit dangerous and tht i am acting stupidly actually?

Then... "Did you all participate in the superstar contest?"

"No-lar...haha" (puh-leeassee..)

"Oh..I am you know." (and the rest of the conversation i wasn't sure what was he talking about)

• There's some more to blog about BUT i am getting sleepy. Got to go to bed...need to rest and conserve the energy for I really NEED TO STUDY, study & STUDY ~!!!

Luke 22:42

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Luke 22:42

"父 阿 ！ 你 若 愿 意 ， 就 把 这 杯 撤 去 ； 然 而 ， 不 要 成 就 我 的 意 思 ， 只 要 成 就 你 的 意 思 。"

路 加 福 音 22:42

10 gift rules for men!

I am now locked in the room, alone, supposedly to be studying and revising if not for this week's formative assessment, then for the coming finals.arrgghh~... I may be physically bound to just sit there pouring over the notes and books but my brain and my mind doesn's seems to be very cooperative at the moment. Right at the time when i desperately need some distraction, some entertainment, and something off my studies, I found my old, faithful, CLEO mag inside my drawer. YeAy!!! Though its old (yeah,its Dec 2004's ) but can be quite useful at times like this.

There was an article that is probably worth sharing with you guys :- "10 gift rules for men!"

Lately, i have encountered some guy friends who are complaining about difficulty buying gifts for girls. Either it's for gift exchange, birthday prezzie or christmas gift, they have a similar, standard remark saying that it is TROUBLESOME and is DIFFICULT. Hmm..really??? I thought it is even harder to get stuffs for guys. Look, there are tonnes and variety of things out there that you can actually pick from and buy for the females. And where does the difficulty actually lies? Perhaps it lies on what is (hopefully) the right gift for (the specific) her?

Since its a Dec 04 mag, this article is about tips for men to get the right Christmas gift for her. So, the 10 rules of Christmas are...

Rule No.1: Stop, Look, Listen.
- she's probably been dropping hints since July, so, guys, please put on your antenna.

Rule No.2: Feather That Nest.

Rule No.3: When In Doubt, Buy Both.
- wow! goodie goodie! hehe...

Rule No.4: Don't Let Your Magic Formula Wear Out Its Welcome.
- if you manage to get it right 1 year, don't think you have found the universal answer. well, i guess you guys may really need to do some homework here.

Rule No.5: Lingerie- The Gift That Keeps On Giving.
- well, i personally don't know if it applies to you. hmm...Doesn't seems too appropriate, does it?

Rule No.6: 100 % Accuracy + 10% Flattery
- this rule is related to Rule No.5

Rule No.7: Hands Off-It's Hers.
- this means NO giving her a tool set you are looking forward to use it yourself.

Rule No.8: Christmas Eve Shopping
- everyone knows it but yet,so many guys continue to break it. Here's a scenario: someone's boyfriend, having left it too late, tried to pretend on Christmas morning the reason he'd not bought her a gift was, "Oh i thought we weren't celebrating Christmas this year"

Rule No.9: You Can't Cancel Christmas.
- hehe..better come out with a not so lame excuse next time ;)

Rule No.10: Buy It With Love...Merry Christmas!
- the most crucial rule, if honestly observed will excuse you from breaking almost any number of the others.

Right, i guess thats all for today's lesson. You are certainly more than welcome to browse my copy of Cleo if you want =)

c209 Epidemic

sniffs sniffs... cough cough...sniff cough cough sniff...And the rythm goes on.

People in my class has been falling sick one by one since last week. It all started with few bouts of cough from 1 or 2 guys and the "daily musical orchrestra" have then gradually increased and enhanced not only in quality but also quantitatively.

The interesting part is that the patientS have if not same,then similar signs and symptoms. Is it virus or is it bacteria? I don't know and i don't think it should be bird flu. But i can tell it is very contagious!!! So, if you think you are having the signs & symptoms stated below, you have probably just contributed to the statistics for the outbreak.

1. Cough (more typical in males; onset in females are usually later in the course or is less severe)

2. Fever

3. Malaise (general ill or weak feeling)

4. Sore throat

5. Flu (more typical / severe in females)

We were supposed to have our weekly formative assessment last Friday but because about half of the class was sick and ill, it was then postponed to the coming Monday (which is today). But, today, the situation is not any better. It is in fact, worse. And again the test is postponed to Wednesday- well, i heard that some are planning to get seriously ill on that day. haha.

With these multiple attacks since last week, more people are now down with the ' c209 cough or flu' .But amazing enough, there are people who still remain incredibly strong and healthy. salute and applause to those strong and invincible ones..yeay! As for me, I have fought hard and bravely in the immunity warfare. I think it is pretty reasonable to let my nose for a leisure jog and some running after such a tiring war. And a perfect vacation for running nose is usually never complete without some waterfalls down from the eye. Cough* ...oh yeah! Some coughs sure spice things up, don't you agree?

Well, i think someone better inform the CDC (centre of disease control) about this c209 epidemic... it is killing me~!!!

The Balloon II

Their health deteriorated and we have no choice but to look at them debilitated on the ICU's(Intensive Care Unit) bed. There wasn't much time left and all the close friends and relatives were called to gather and accompany them through their last journey on earth... Even the weather that day was getting gloomier as the clock went ticking away...

Certified time of death:
0123 AM, Monday, 14th Nov 05


Monday, 14th Nov 05

The funeral.

Gone were the days when we hold on to He-balloon and She-balloon. And now the time has arrived,... the time to let go... perhaps for the better...

Everyone uttered the prayers solemnly. The 'roomie teddy bear' gave the eulogy of She-balloon and He-balloon; the happy moments they have once shared... All we could do was just to listen to the past that they have brought us, as they lie there as still as ever...

It was sad to witness the moment when they are covered with the black cloth that will never be lifted up from them again. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and silently bid them farewell,..."goodbye"...They left. They are gone... but they (he-balloon & she-balloon) are together...and deep in our heart, we know that all of us are together.

[ P/S: with special thanks to my roomate's teddy bear...

also, to reveal the mystery... it may seems that there is 2 balloons: She-balloon and He-balloon but the truth is... they are ONE. yes! one!...because it is a 2-faced-balloon... may they rest in peace... ]

The Balloon I

Wednesday, 9th Nov 05

She-balloon & He-balloon was brought home to room 414. They continued to stay joyously afloat, singing merrily in the air.




Thursday, 10th Nov 05

He-balloon got sick. Worse still, he transmitted the disease to She-balloon.

Medical history: They are asthmatic

Diagnosis: Infection in the lungs leading to balloonic pneumonia

Treatment: 3 doses of Helium daily

Complication: punctured lungs causing acute balloonic pneumothorax (if left untreated)



The treatment was not available and the disease progressed. It is sad to see them atrophy as the time passes. It aches even more to look at them shrinking smaller and smaller (than the flower) each day...deep in my mind, i have always asked myself, will they make it through and survive? will they?

The Kancil UNCLE

'tic tuck...tic tuck...tic tuck'. My car's turn signal continues ticking as I am waiting to make a right turning at a T-junction. I looked to my right and to my left again, trying to make sure it is safe for me to turn...and...suddenly a silver Kancil head popped out right beside me on the left, signalling to turn right as well. What is this UNCLE trying to do, huh? Didn't he realize that he is blocking my view?! By the way, though i called him 'uncle', he isn't any old ah pek but a young man probably in his early or mid twenties. On the road, anyone who gives me an intolerable headache will be automatically be registered and labelled as 'uncle' or 'aunty'. In case you are wondering...No!! He is NOT handsome nor is he cute and he look snobbishly rude, especially when he throws those impatient look at you with , " ahhh, i knew you are a female driver!", written all over his face.

I move a little forward to get a clearer view of cars coming from the left and this uncle too move ahead of me, entirely blocking my view again! Ok, so I may have took some time to make sure the traffic is safe for me to make a right turn but you aren't helping at all. In fact you are making the situation worse and dangerous. And I really do wonder if he has been reading the newspapers.

"...on average, 13.5 fatalities occurred in road accidents nationwide every day.
“It’s a very serious matter. We’re looking at all the
factors,
but at the end of the day it's the
attitude of the motorists themselves,”
Inspector-General of
Police Tan Sri Mohd Bakri Omar said. " >>more
on this aricle

Deputy Inspector-General of Police Datuk Seri Musa Hassan said.
. . .“Our findings during Ops Sikap IX showed that the main causes
of fatal accidents were due to motorists losing control of their vehicles,
reckless driving and dangerous overtaking. " >>more
on this article

Both adapted from The Star Saturday Nov 12 2005.

No wonder even the ministers are fed up with this issue. (And yeah, you have definitely got a point there, Callyn.)

And finally, we both turn at the same time at that T-junction. It is a single lane road and this uncle has to refusedly let me go first. Oh yeah!By the way, thanks! So, what's your point of squeezing right beside me and blocking my view anyway? "Biar lambat asalkan selamat~lar, UNCLE."

NoT aGaIn (-.-|||)

Sometimes history does repeat itself and usually it happens out of the norms, unexpectedly... erm, i mean very unexpectedly. Tonight, on the 9th of November year 2005, I am again being put in the limelight, given the full glare of publicity. An FOC publicity does sound a little bit too good, don't you think so? Well, it is not necessary the case if the promotion package includes a 'special undivided attention' at what people claim as the longest pasar malam (night market) in KL.

Apparently "someone-who-talks-loudly-but-never-did-meant-it" has given me a promise to buy me a balloon every week on the weekly wednesday pasar malam trip. I could not exactly remember when was the promise given and plus, if i were to really keep track, it would probably be uncountable. It has served a good purpose to use this as a 'bullet' or perhaps a 'missile' every now and then to bug, to tease and to 'shoot' (and also to 'keik') him.

Tonight, as usual was the weekly pasar malam outing. He passed by a stall selling toys and started asking if i want it. My reply to him was that he still owe me balloonS. And then again, lots of excuses was blurted out. Yeah, it is the same old radio repeating itself again...yawn...whatever. It doesn't take long till we come to a junction. The junction where a lady was standing with all the lovely balloons flying afloat in the sky merrily. At that very moment, I turned to him. The gaze that he is giving me is far worse than a killer look. It shows great determination that he is going to do it tonight. Gulp...I immediately put the best effort to stop him from doing what may spell " OH~ NO!!" to me. Undoubtedly, he is probably taking this golden advantage as a revenge on me.

And yeah, he did it. Ok, so I spent my entire journey back to hostel along the pasar malam dragging the "supposedly-to-look-cute-balloon". The pasar malam seems extra long that night and I tried my best to keep my head as still as possible at one low fixed position and avoid looking into any other people who may be looking at me. I would pay anyone to tell me what expression am I supposed to wear on my face so I will feel less awkward. I sure do not want to know what those people are thinking of. Never. Aaarrggghhh... help~!! Why am I experiencing this again...yes, again! the same year!?...my heart beat is getting faint~...

Let me tell you why is it i kept saying 'again'. It was a few months back, on the 23rd of February 2005, at a lake garden near Amcorp Mall in PJ. The night was also the ' chap goh mei' festival night where chinese people have the tradition of throwing mandarin oranges into the lake (usually the single females will do that) and guys who are still single will draw out the oranges randomly with a net. Malaysia is sure a place full of festivals and people take every single oppurtunities to party and celebrate whatever festival amd events that may be taking place. And my dear friends bought me a large bouquet of flower and I was made to carry the pretty bouquet of flower, walking around among the crowdS. Every single person i passed by had their eye stuck on me and my flower. A lot people commented as well but I can only ignore what that seems to make them envy kind of look. The story goes on...

phew..I'm glad that I am safely and comfortably sitting alone in my room now...Enough said. I need a break...

之我的真心对话

Time: half past twelve in the morning
Alone in the room.
The night is quiet besides the sound of the bugs are 'creeking' happily, enjoying their nightly activities and the sound of fan spinning above. I reached out to on the radio and randomly tune into few channels, trying to search for a channel that will suit my current mood while the physiology book lay flat on my comfy bed. I stopped and listen to the soft, soothing voice of the DJ.

Currently listening to: 爱 FM
Topic on air: 之我的真心对话

"...we speak everyday. We have been telling and talking to people everyday but how often do we talk to ourself? ...Tonight let us speak to ourself from the bottom of our heart.

...take some time now to (关怀) show some care and concern to ourself. Speak to yourself...Communicate with yourself and understand yourself..."

Music playing at the moment: a very nice song that I havent heard for quite some time. A song with memories of the past that is pretty much cherished. The name of the song? Don't know...

A lot of text messages in reply to that was motivational and encouraging type. There are people who wish to say to themself to continue stand and cling firmly on faith and face life more courageously... And there are people wants to tell themself it is really time to let go and carry on...

The soothing, easy listening musics playing on air continues to drift my mind away...What would I like to tell myself at this moment?

Spins of thoughts

Wheels spin... some spin faster, some slower. Perhaps, there isn't any guide to the relative speed perceived by each of us. When there is no match in the resolutions of the spinning, wouldn't it be problem to keep in pace?

Turn on the Dicovery channel or National Geographic and you can see how a plant grows, looking at every tiny, little, single detail...

and you can as well see how fast a bullet train can just "whoosh" past, without any mercy to pause for any, any of us, to have a clear sight of it...

Some perceive that life is always moving faster than us but is that really true? (at least wee does think this way )

There are times when things just pile up like a mountain of fuel that kept the engine running and running and running at high force continuously, chasing after every second, as if we are given few hours less every day.

And at times, when everything just suddenly levels off, reaching a plateau, I felt like a bystander watching the world around us go spinning and moving about, ignoring the little, and the almost-insignificant-me.

I have been challenging the snails and sinking comfortably behind time. How long will this comfortness last? I don't know... especially when there's an voice warning me against this.

"Well, you better study hard during these few days then", i was told by a brother last week, before this 'Deepa-Raya' break, and it has been ringing in my head, bringing a few bouts of guilt every now and then. Laziness has set deep into my bone and it is extremely stubborn go get out. On the other hand,( trying to look at the bright side), it could well serve as a nice, little rest before moving into the war field again for the war will surely go until the max till next year. (yes, next year!..pretty depressing when you come to think about missing Christmas)

Oh, is it time to repent already?? Ok, that's all for now then before I run out of time...

" What is 'It'? "

I took a quick look at 'it' again. 'It' makes no difference from how it was seen lying there still and cold since yesterday. 'It' is so still... so still, that 'it' is barely alive ... so still that i sometimes wonder if 'it' is still there.

I've failed to feel the existence that 'your' presence has once brought. Should the remorseful feeling make any of us feel sorry? Perhaps neither ...neither should feel this way,... the best consolation we could offer.

Expectations shall be stripped away and I will try to just let it be, leaving each other in silence least 'you' put me down again...


Suddenly and randomly, I felt like writting about 'it'... " What is 'it'? " Just an object, a liveless object which has been put into a deep sleep... very deep sleep instead...

?!?!

I went to a bookstore to browse around (well, actually the condition doesnt really allow us to do so). Anyway, the first person attended me was recommending this book A, telling me that most people buy this book and it is useful for your future use as well. Some people came in and he went to attend them. I flipped the pages, and was thinking maybe I would take book B instead. I asked another staff what level would this book suitable for. He looked blur but i can see that he is trying hard to crap something out. I waited...(and yes??)

"erm...this is for first year students."

He gave me another book - book C, telling me that this is what most people buy, its a better book, blah blah... and that book B is for Master...blah blah

But, wait!...didnt the first guy just said that book A is what most people take and now this human here is telling me another thing.

I browsed the content of the book and asked him if he thinks that book B is in simpler context and easier to understand compared to the others. He agreed. ( see..isn't that contradicting? a book meant for Master level is supposed to be easier to understand than other books?)

Anyway, cut the story short... i bought some books and went home after that. I was looking through the books and found that one of the books was torn... yes! some of the pages were quite badly torn with some dirty stains and holes. Of course, it would be good if i can go change the book because it is a new book...or supposed to be a new book... and who would have expected it to be in such condition. I called them up and asked if they are open tomorrow and that can i return the book.

" oh, is it the red colour book?"
" yes and the pages are torn"
" really? tapi buku itu memang koyak punya"
( what?!! is this the best reply you can give? does that mean you know you are selling me that torn book?)
" hah?! tapi dalam buku ini banyak koyak tau"
( ooppss..please excuse my BM, havent been using malay to communicate..hehe)
"ok ok..you datang dan tukar buku itu,ok"
( thats exactly what i'm planning to do )
"ok..thank you" (!!!)

se7en thingsz

ok..so, I have been tagged...Callyn, my mind is not working well either. Anyway, i juz 'hentam' the answers...and here are the:

SeVeN tHiNgSz

1.Se7en things that (will) scare me:
a) death of loved ones
b) uncertainty
c) dissapointment
d) sin
e) disaster & war
f) sex maniac/ sex offenders
g) ghost

2.Se7en things I like the most:
a) company - family & friends
b) sleep
c) food
d) bible , magazines & books
e) music
f) taking pictures
g) writting

3. Se7en most important things in my room : hostel room?
a) fan (with electric supply of coz!)
b) light
c) bed
d) mirror
e) laptop & internet connection
f) water bottles (with water in it)
g) alarm clockS
(oh yeah..books are important as well..its expensive too..)

4.Se7en random facts about me:
a) I am naughty
b) I'm not smart
c) I'm lazy
d) I'm not in a relationship/ I'm still single
e) I am a Christian
f) I can scream
g) I am a right-hander

5.Se7en things I plan to do before I die
a) tell my loved ones i love them
b) tell ppl God loves them too
c) to find someone who will truly love me & give my purest love to him
d) to get married & have a happy family
e) graduate & become a recognised doctor
f) travel the world
g) to learn chinese & music

6.Se7en things I can do:
a) eat
b) sleep
c) talk
d) be quiet
e) speak fu chow
f) drive ( YES, i can)
g) learn

7.Se7en things I can't do:
a) swim
b) sing soprano
c) read chinese books
d) read guys mind
e) live without oxygen
f) drink coffee & sleep
g) shop like a millionaire

8.Se7en words I say the most:
a) ermm...
b) dunno
c) dear God
d) oh no
e) i've put on weight
f) wei...
g) ...

9.Se7en celeb crushes:
- no, i dont hav any celebrity crush-

10.Se7en people I'll love to see doing this:
a) Pao Pao
b) Xiu Hui
c) Stella
d) Khai Yang
e) Lenny
f) T'ng Eine
g) Christopher

Birthday threat

This is not rated "U". I strictly warned you not to continue reading if you don't think you can take mean and cruel stuff.

I went to the clinic and the doctor's advice was to have sufficient rest especially if i might have a chance of re-exposure to ammonia again. Well, fine ...because i usually have one week of good rest before i will be tested positive for ammonia toxification again.

Please pardon me, not that i like to talk about ammonia but it is just barely 3 days... and...and...and...argghh...here's what has just happened...

oxygen's random thoughts:
blink*blink*...staring widely at the screen & yes..no doubts, it is ammonia calling..

ok...its still weekdays and ammonia should know well that i'm still in hostel and i'm not back home yet. Well, he won't be anywhere near here, would he? nah..i'm just thinking too much.

here goes...

Ammonia: hello!

Oxygen: hello. ( heart beat: 110/min ; respiratory rate: 25/min; B/P: 150/90; ..praying and keeping fingers cross that i will make it through this time safely. please, pretty please...)

Ammonia: Hi! ermm..where are you now? hostel is it?

Oxygen: Yeah...why? ( No! no! please don't tell me you are here or anywhere near here.)

Ammonia: hmm..are you coming back tomorrow?

( phew...thank God! I was just thinking too much,wasn't I?..hehe..silly me..)
Oxygen: tomorrow? no, i don't think so. why would i suddenly go back tomorrow?

Ammonia: well, are you not having any holiday tomorrow or wednesday?

Oxygen: ( puzzled...) holiday? why suddenly would i have holiday?

Ammonia: if you have holiday then you can come back tomorrow rite?

Oxygen: huh???

Ammonia: actually, tomorrow is my birthday and i want to buy you a meal.

Oxygen: oh, its your birthday?...erm, but i don't think its quite possible for me to go back coz i still have classes and i don't have any holidays. ( no... not just because it is your birthday, there would be holiday,ok?!)

Ammonia: you really cannot come back meh?

Oxygen: sorry...but you see if i do go back, how do i come back? i still have classes on wed's morning. really sorry yeah...

Ammonia: i was thinking coz it is my 21st birthday...and you really can't make it for my sake? ( whoa..i know that it is sort of like a big day for you but ...go back for your sake?? my doctor will have to put me on a pressure chamber and treat me with pure oxygen then...)

Oxygen: erm..sorry. you go treat other friends lar.

Ammonia: yeah,ok...but i want to bring u along as well. (how nice of u but really, it is ok)

Oxygen: but i don't think i can make it leh...

Ammonia: well, then arent you gonna do anything in compensation?

Oxygen: huh?...erm, like how??

Ammonia: like making yourself one of these days... ( is this some kind of birthday threat?)

Oxygen: well, i really don't know. even during the deepavali & puasa holiday i might be off to a church camp and then after the holidays i will have tests and plus i have a major exam coming up on december.

Ammonia: hmm..u are so busy huh?

Oxygen: yeah, i do feel busy and tired with such a busy schedule.

Ammonia: exam...on december but its just october now.

Oxygen: its november soon rite? and it is a major exam.

Ammonia: ermm..ok... ( i guess he did sound a bit dissapointed...gosh, am i being too cruel?)

Oxygen: sorry yeah. anyway, i wish u a be-earlied birthday wish and hope u will have a great time tomorrow.

Ammonia: haha..thank you. Bye.

Oxygen: Bye.

oxygen random thoughts:
now thinking back, its his 21st birthday... well, not that i don't want to be nice to him but... is he just a bit demanding? should i really just do some compensatory thing or should i not? not only that i'm being toxified but its begining to make me feel that i'm evil... hmm.. or did he practiced witch-craft or some brain washing thingy?


I meant no harm or any bad intention but i felt the necessity to share out my fear. Yes, your vision is completely fine. FEAR is the word. And i would be glad and appreciative if you have any good or constructive ideas or comments on this.

Ammonia ATTACK

It was a peaceful & relaxing friday night yesterday but some unforseen events do happen once in a while, when you are least expecting it. Below is the conversation between ammonia & oxygen:

Ammonia: Hi!Oxygen ah?

(with a very soft,tired voice...)
Oxygen: Hello.

Ammonia: Its me,Ammonia.

(using the same monotanous tone...)
Oxygen: Yeah. Whats up?

Ammonia: Oh..you just woke up is it? or did you just came back from MV? (no..its because of your ammonia toxic effect)

[some backgrond/ history: the previous ammonia attack was put off when oxygen said that it has been a tiring day after spending the whole afternoon in MV]


Oxygen: Nope. Just came back from school not long ago.

Ammonia: so late huh? how come?

Oxygen: yeah. well, my timetable is arranged like this. Class ended late and that is why i am back late.

Ammonia: i see..does your class always end so late?

Oxygen: it depends. (don't worry, if my class does ends early, u would be the very last to know about this )

Ammonia: Uh..ok..erm..are you free now?

Oxygen: Now? I have to go for dinner.

Ammonia: Oh yeah..you haven't eat,huh? Erm..what time will you be free then? ( duh..of coz i have not eaten. that is why i am going for dinner.)

Oxygen: well, i don't know. Why?

Ammonia: Oh, it has been a long time since i last saw you. Don't know how you have changed and how you look like right now...thinner? fatter?... Just want to catch up with you. So, what time will you be free tonight? (it's ok.i don't want to catch up with you)

Oxygen: haha..fatter, yeah.. but i think there's not much changes. anyway, i don't know what time will i be free coz i've got something to do after dinner.

Ammonia: something to do? (yes. anything but to go out with u)

Oxygen: yeah, helping my mom.

Ammonia: you mean like sweeping, mopping etc?

Oxygen: yeah... and i don't know what time will i be free.

Ammonia: you don't know when you'll be free?

Oxygen: yes.

Ammonia: ...ermm,ok. i guess next time then. (gulp...next time?! again?! HELP!!!)

Oxygen: uh..ok (very reluctantly)

[ you won't understand how heavy it is to say "ok" in reply.]

Ammonia: bye. (finally...)

Oxygen: bye. (phew...fresh air for detoxification.Thank God!)

- End of conversation-

Please take note: "end of conversation" ≠ end of attack

I do apologize for some very sarcastic thoughts posted above... but,please be understanding; its ammonia & its very toxicative!

A picture's worth a thousand words

The phrase goes like this:
"A picture's worth a thousand words" ... and i guess i have delivered at least 2 thousand words across...or if literally translated, it would be 20 thousand words said.

Anyway, i will have to get back and catch up with my studies now. Thats all for updates and enough said for today. =)

...BUT...

A dear teacher of mine once told me that in a BGR (boy-girl relationship), love can bring you all the happiness,joy and sweetness you'll never expect, tossing you on to cloud nine... BUT... at the same time, love can also give you unexpected dissapointments and hurting you to the depth, far beyond the Black Hole can bring.

Another same concept shared:
There's a mammalian species on earth called "Guys". They own a property called mouth. I don't know how important is this asset to them but I can sure tell you that they can use it very differently. They can have all the 'sweet talks' pouring out from their mouth, with scripts better than the Hollywood film director, trying to leave you in a hyperglyceamic state...BUT... at the same time, never forget to realize the other side of it... words coming out can also be shooting at you from every single possible direction, well, probably even to the point that sort of like 'degrading' you to the very end of the earth (and thus, enhancing their feeling of superiority i guess).

Well, enough said for the time being. Time for a good shower and continue with my studies and revisions.

The tension of opposites & chasing after wind

Today, Morrie told me something interesting. He talked about the tension of opposites :

‘‘Life is a series of pulls — back and forth. You want to do one thing, but are bound to do something else. Something hurts you and yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.’’

"Sounds like a wrestling match,I say.

"A wrestling match."He laughs. " Yes you could describe life that way."

"Which side wins?" "Love wins. Love always wins."

Interesting? Well,at least i find it interesting. "Most of us live somewhere in the middle... where? why? " I would ask myself. Though i have not come out with an answer, it is still worthwhile reflecting upon...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

[excerpted fr Tuesdays with Morrie]

..chasing the wrong things. This reminds me of a passage from the book of Ecclesiastes (傳 道 書):- everything is meaningless, just like a chasing after wind.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

...This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

传 道 者 说 ： 虚 空 的 虚 空 ， 虚 空 的 虚 空 ， 凡 事 都 是 虚 空 。
... 这 也 是 虚 空 ， 也 是 捕 风 。


9 Be happy, young man, while you are young,
and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.
Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see,
but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment.
10 So then, banish anxiety from your heart
and cast off the troubles of your body,
for youth and vigor are meaningless.
12:1
Remember your Creator in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

9 少 年 人 哪 ， 你 在 幼 年 时 当 快 乐 。 在 幼 年 的 日 子 ， 使 你 的 心 欢 畅 ， 行 你 心 所 愿 行 的 ， 看 你 眼 所 爱 看 的 ； 却 要 知 道 ， 为 这 一 切 的 事 ， 　 神 必 审 问 你 。
10 所 以 ， 你 当 从 心 中 除 掉 愁 烦 ， 从 肉 体 克 去 邪 恶 ； 因 为 一 生 的 开 端 和 幼 年 之 时 ， 都 是 虚 空 的 。
12:1
你 趁 着 年 幼 、 衰 败 的 日 子 尚 未 来 到 ， 就 是 你 所 说 ， 我 毫 无 喜 乐 的 那 些 年 日 未 曾 临 近 之 先 ， 当 记 念 造 你 的 主 。

What is important in life? and..are we chasing the right things in our life? or is it just a chasing after wind?

It's Friday again

It's Friday again, and there goes another week. It has been a 2 weeks off for us without the torturing-weekly-assessment, which gave me some extra space to breathe...phew..but for the coming week, we would all have to strive for the battle again. Hopefully we have all had some little recharge to face the upcoming PBLs and assessments, especially now that there has been some changes in the PBL grouping & with the introduction of the mentor-mentee thingy.. sigh

Anyway, after a long latent period, i find the need to go hav a walk in the shopping mall. No, NOT shopping...more of WINDOW shopping. Saw some nice and interesting stuffs but looking at the price and then back at my flat wallet again, it is like being poured with a big,bucket of cold,icy water. Haha. The money i spent today was on a little prezzie for my mommy, some prezzies for my friend's birthday, Tuesdays With Morrie (yeay!finally got tht book with the little help of a RM20 rebate coupon from my sister) and another '3 for RM10' pairs of earing (girls:this is a good place to shop for earings..haha)

I read 'The 5 people you meet in Heaven' by Mitch Albom some time ago and found it was a nice, interesting book (I'll probably share a little review on this sometime later when i'm motivated to do so) and since then, I've always wanted to get 'Tuesdays with Morrie'- an international bestseller...and yeay! its with me now. I've read around 27 pages on my way back home by KTM commuter and yup, no regrets buying it. Though it was a short reading, few things have captured my interest to ponder and reflect upon.This book is basically about an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson. The old man- Morrie,a university proffesor was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), a terminal, neurological disease with no known cure. After leaving the hospital, while his wife has million of thoughts running through her mind on how much time left,how to manage,etc...meanwhile,Morrie was stunned...

"...was stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?

But the world did not stop, it took no notice at all, and as Morrie pulled weakly on the car door, he felt as if he were dropping into a hole."

[a little excerpt from the book]

Reflection 1 : sometimes though you really wish that the world will at least stop or pause for at least a second and take notice of you and what you are going through... but,will that ever happen? this is like almost a 'never' kind of answer. The world will not stop. And there is where the feeling of sinking deeper and deeper into nowhere develops...

Same like anyone else, he has a choice to wither up and disappear or to live the life the fullest. He chose the latter and decided to make death his final project. Once, he went to one of his colleague's funeral..and came up with an interesting idea- he organized a "living funeral" because he taught it was a waste tht Irv ( his late colleague) could not hear all the wonderful things ppl said about him in the funeral.

Reflection 2: Have you ever thought of organizing your own "living funeral"? I have not, until I read this. And now, i'm thinking... would i ever want to do the same as what Morrie did if i have the chance to do so? and would you do so? As for me, i'm not too sure i'll have the courage to do so...

Well, I guess its enough said for the time being and i shall leave it to u to reflect & ponder upon. Its now no longer Friday night but Saturday morning. There goes another Friday...and i shall now retire to bed...

~Anyway~

Anyway

(A poem found engraved on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

people will forget tomorrow,
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got ... anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

it is between you and God,
It never was between you and them anyway

What people may say or do is really not something we can control but yet it has influenced us in some or other ways that we may never be aware of. Sometimes, we might got so caught up & may even be so consumed by how the world response. How important is it to know how the world is looking upon us? Though it was never between me(or us) and them, just between me (or us) and God, I still,at times, feel the neccessity to know about that because 'no man is an island'. We are all blessed with a pair of eyes..be it the physical eyes or the eyes in our heart..we have different point of views to offer. We may not all share the same thoughts but all the thoughts can surely be shared together.

How do we go on believing how the rest of the world is looking upon us then?This reminds me of a chinese phrase: "一人传虚，万人传实" . It is just like when one speaks of something untrue,it may still be as it is,..when 2 or 3 person speaks of the same thing, there goes rumours.., when everyone starts speaking of the same 'rumours', we might end up believing the rumour itself. (do correct me if i am wrong)

Anyhow, no matter how the others or the world may be treating us, i believe it is important that we do not allow ourself to be consumed by all these..Why allow others to bring us to the fault line?...at the end, it is still and just between us and God anyway.

To do all these anyway may not easy to achieve but as like what i've always hold on to, 'it may be hard but it is not impossible'.

Love vs Like

Love's like that

HELLO, I'm Love. Do you know me? I bet you do. You can find me practically anywhere. I am there for everyone, yet I belong to nobody.

But you have to be very careful of me as I am very contagious. If you want me, you can get me from anyone - your parents, brothers and sisters, your friends, soul mate, and even your pet.
I'm really very special and different from my cousin, Like. When you're before me, your heart beats faster and winter seems like spring. But in front of Like, winter is just beautiful and you'll feel just the same.

The feeling of Love starts from the eyes, but the feeling of Like starts from the ears. If you stop liking a person, all you need to do is cover your ears. But if you try to close your eyes, Love turns into teardrop and remains in your heart forever.

How do one tell between 'love' and 'like' & how can I (or YOU) tell if i'm (or you are) in love or not? I've thrown these question out before but I never seem to get a clear definition or feedback. Perhaps that is because there is only a fine line between 'love' and 'like'... or perhaps not?

I was reading yesterday's Sunday Star's "Life & Soul" and this little passage caught my attention. Well, most of it sounds quite true i guess but how true is all these? I personally think that heart beats getting faster is not only restricted to special loved ones and may not necessary be increased when we are seeing them either. Judging by heart beat alone seems a bit too vague to me though there are times when we will fall into believing it. 'Surrrounding sounds' can also really make one into believing something and oftenly will land in blurry, messy & confused state, halfway hanging between 'love' and 'like'.

It reminds me of the passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 , which offer the best explanation that i know of on love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails

When it comes to real life situation, I still can't find an answer to my questions on how to tell 'love' and 'like' apart though. Books, people and other resources may tell us 101 ways to ride a bicycle but if we did not go and experience and really try to ride on the bicycle ourselves, I guess we won't know how's riding a bicycle is like afterall. The same applies...

I am only 26% stupid =P

The new semester has begun & I have been kept quite busy..with so much to do and not to mention what i need to catch up with..sigh.. sometimes i do wonder will i survive all these with my pea brain. Thinking of this year end's proffessional exam is really sending shivers down my spine. depressing thoughts,huh..

Anywayz, i discovered a test from Callyn..a rather silly test actually, which if i choose to believe in, will make me feel better..for the time being at least. haha. Well, it shows that :

69% scored higher (more stupid),
5% scored the same,
and 26% scored lower (less stupid).

What does this mean? I am only 26% stupid. This means...I am kinda smart. Many have done better, but I did much better than half the other test-takers! phew..hehe.

When No Choice is a Good One

When No Choice is a Good One
A girl's guide to finding happiness in Japan
By Mimei Sakamoto
I found this interesting piece of 'manga' while reading someone's blog and i thought it would be worthwhile to share it here too. Well, that is in Japan but I do wonder how true is it over here in Malaysia? What is a girl's guide to finding happiness in Malaysia? Is it true that there's really no good choice for us or for you?

Personality tests

My Enneagram test results:

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Having learnt about Maslow's hierarchy of needs,Carl Jung's personality type and some Freud's interesting theories, I often wonder where am I or rather what trait am I in. Am I an extrovert or introvert? Well, from the big 5 personality test I've just taken,my extroversion results suggest that i'm average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.Hmm..this sounds quite true to me.

Also, the test results suggested that my Global 5 Sloan Type Description is SLUAN, which comes with these descriptions:

often late, influenced more by others than self, easily frustrated, frequently driven to impress others, easily moved to tears(am i?), does not believe everything can be explained scientifically, fires back when someone hurts them(really??), not analytical, easily distracted, does not always know what they are doing, easy to get to know, easily impressed, easily influenced, rarely prepared, not controlling, prone to jealousy, not bothered by disorder, low self confidence, acts without hesitation, not self reflective, thinks fun is the most important thing in life, worrying, easily hurt(oh my goodness..really??), spontaneous, tense, high maintenance(huh?why?), not detail oriented, unpredictable, prone to attachment, not interested in science, not afraid to draw attention to self, anxious, does not know why they do some things, not strict with self, inexplicably happy some of the time, attentive to appearances, underachiever, bases goals on inspiration rather than logic, will do a lot to avoid rejection, swayed by emotions, uses acts of kindness to get closer to people (i dont think i understand myself)


and also primary type describe me as non-curious, which says:

does not used ideas and tools to transform understanding, not analytical, does not enjoy imaginatively playing with interconnections and patterns, underachiever(true), dislikes science fiction, weak connection to mind, does not look for hidden meaning in things, search for identity has not played a big role in their life, not nerdy(thank God..haha), more sensual than intellectual, not mystical, not big on art house movies, does not prefer technical careers (law, engineering, medicine-hmm, but i'm studying medic now..maybe i should re-evaluate & reconsider?..), not particulary introspective, not skilled at fixing things, not a loner

blink blink...well, frankly speaking i didn't know myself as what i'm suggested to be.Or am i? think i better do more self relflection though i'm suggested not to be self reflective...

hOusE ChOreS

If i could walk up the ceiling like Jeremy, i probably would have escaped some house chores. haha. I knew that mom would start babbling about some super-tough-chores (eg.cleaning the exhaust fan) that need to be done..and especially that i'm on holiday now,I should have the time and energy to do it. All of sudden, i felt that my bone density increased by tonnes,and i'm suffering from a narcolepsy-like disorder plus i'm hypersensitive to dust particles,detergents...bla bla...the list goes on.Well,I could tell from the signs and symptoms that i'm down with an infection- lazy germs infection! If only i could get a MC and be exempted from all those house chores...sigh

~reflection~

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where
I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am...

...Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

Reflection by Christina Aguilera