2005 in a glimpse...

It was a special year. I can now skip all those consent letters that I need to get signatures from mom and dad. And like what most have been telling me, I am now permitted to enter the casino and I’m eligible to vote in the coming election, not like I bother much about all these anyway. 21st birthday are special to a lot of people. It marks the point where the butterfly finally flaps its wing out of the cocoon; it gives an impression where the (ugly) duckling finally turns into a graceful & pretty swan. However, that is only the fairy tale side of it.

Funerals, birthdays, farewells and wedding… a complete combo of occasions and events for one year. I know couples who broke up but I too have witnessed how the magnetic force of the cupid arrows brought two souls together as one. While some has lost love, some has found love, and yet some are still searching for it…

If you were to ask me what is the sweetest moment of the year, I don’t think I would be able to answer. Not because it was a sad, bitter, brewed cup of coffee… but simply because it was perfectly sweetened with a few indistinguishable-which-is-the-best sugar for me to pick on. All the sweet moments that each of you (, yes, you!) has brought have never failed to bring a smile. Frankly speaking, all these would not have existed without you; it feels the best when shared together. I can’t see what is ahead of us and how will time change each of us but for all that we shared, I can only treasure and cherish it because that is all that I have. And of course, how could I forget? Thanks… Hopefully, we will still find the reason to smile in the time to come.

I’m growing, more mature, hopefully, and my cumulative experience has showed me the ugly side of guys. Well, ok, not to forget I too discovered some soft spots and the ‘gentleman’ side of guys. To cut things short, I think that guys are capable of tossing you up and throwing you down, beyond what words can describe.

Sweet and sour seems to come together. Take it or leave it. Would you rather take a tasteless and plain dish? Nah! And since I’ve get to keep those sweet memories, I guess I would have to take the other as well. Tears or laughter; sweet or sour; they are all part and parcel of experience and believe it or not, I trust that all that has been given from above are at our best interest.

Here comes the sour part: I have experienced how disappointments taste like and for obvious reasons, I don’t like it at all. It is no easy task trying to live with disappointments. The villagers only gave the little shepherd who lied about the wolf’s cry two chances. By the third time he called for help, though it is for real this time, his’ call was ignored. My point is, ‘trust’ is really fragile. So, do handle with care. Or my faith will just go fainter and fainter until it is completely gone.

How do one judge when it comes to lying for the benefit of another’s, rather than the other way round? Lie to me, tell me it’s good and nice and bla bla… and just before I dwell in your sweet answers, I found out the naked truth. Sigh. Should I be thankful? Maybe I should. If not, I would have been like a stupid girl sitting there thinking all these is true. You thought you were protecting me from words and comments that might be harmful and hurtful, but did you know that you are doing exactly what you were trying to prevent? For all the trust that I’ve put...

2005 in a glimpse; I have felt disappointed, I felt somewhat betrayed, I’ve walked into depression (but thank God, I’ve walked out of it as well), and I have been hurt.

And talking about ‘H-U-R-T’. I wonder if you would ever know how bad it hurts.
“Yes! Ouch! It really hurts.” I don’t know what do you want from me but please, hear my plea, “please don’t test my endurance any further...”

Now as I’m sitting here alone in my melancholic loneliness, I am thinking…thinking and thinking…what should I do? How do I learn to deal with life better this year? Life will not always deal us with good cards; we have to learn to play the bad cards well.

to be con't